I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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