weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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