i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
