Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
