At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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