when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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