well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
where are you?
Hypothermia
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize