You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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