We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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