All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I need a beard to bite.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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