i just wanna soil my oats bro
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
