i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
