did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize