Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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