____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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