YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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