I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Less talking, more tequila
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
