i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
