glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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