Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
