Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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