in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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