Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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