walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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