does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
