Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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