she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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