Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize