wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
