just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
