Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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