I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
