I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
