i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
