he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
