I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
