He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
