My friends, they love my intelligence
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
