I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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