i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
