why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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