I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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