I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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