Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
