Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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