He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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