I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
