I wannas sexs uuuuu
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
