I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
