The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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