I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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