I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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