he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
