i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize