I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
