Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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