can we get nightvision for the apartment?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Come share oat with me in your robe
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