So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize