Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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