i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Sober January is a disaster.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
