Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
