Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
