He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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