she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
