I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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