Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
