I love black thongs
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
