rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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