I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize